Alive With the Glory of Love
by Schizzar
Summary: A year after Matt's death, Peter realizes it's okay to move on and enjoy what he's worked so hard for. Part Seven of the Routinely Rejecting Happiness Series. Won't make sense without the rest. Title borrowed from a Say Anything song.


**Seventh and final part to the Routinely Rejecting Happiness Series. Thanks for reading and the support throughout, it's been awesome writing it. Also if you're just stumbling upon this and haven't read the other stories, don't read it, it won't make any sense. Without further ado, enjoy. I don't own Marvel.**

Peter stood at the edge of the cliff, urn grasped tightly in his hands. He knew it would seem cheesy to other people, scattering the ashes of a loved one out into the air to be whisked away by the wind, but he knew Matt would have liked where he picked. The cliff over-looked a burnt down forest, the ash thick and heavy over the charred bones of the threes. It would be a long while before the plants began to grow again, and the idea that Matt would be entwined with the new and sprouting life just seemed fitting.

He sat down, legs hanging over the edge. For a long while, he had battled with the idea of scattering Matt's ashes, not sure if he could bear parting with them, but over the course of the year, he found himself weighted down whenever he saw them. They were not a reminder of the good times he'd shared with the man, only the grief and trauma of losing him and after a year he couldn't really stand it. They were a bit like a weight that he was better off without but still felt a bit of panic at the idea of being without it.

Now, sitting over the forest, it felt a lot less terrifying. Peter supposed in the end it had been some idea of trying to be respectful that he'd kept the ashes for so long. Of course, there was probably more than one reason, but in the end, none of them really mattered. He was there to move on. Scatter Matt's ashes and do what Matt really would want him to do. He knew the best way to honor Matt was to throw himself wholeheartedly into the life he still had, had fought tooth and nail for the last few months.

Peter glanced back over his shoulder. Clint and Nat were sitting on the hood of Peter's car. Peter couldn't see Johnny, but he was pretty sure his best friend was passed out in the back of the car still, having been on driving duty all through the night. Nat's hair had grown back out, almost down to her hips. She had her sunglasses pushed down on her nose as she fixed Clint with a glare over something Peter was sure he'd hear about later. Clint's shoulders shook from laughter and then, as if he could feel Peter's gaze, he looked up and stared across the empty space between them. He offered Peter an encouraging smile before turning his full attention back to Natasha.

"It's nice, Matt," Peter said quietly, turning his own attention back to the forest before him. "Really nice. Working with the Avengers is...good. And I keep watching Clint get happier with every passing day and seeing it happen just...this might sound dumb but it makes me feel so lucky. It's a bit like it was between us." Peter took the top off the urn and stared down into it. "I really love him. Didn't think it would happen but...look at me now, huh? Living in Stark Tower. Aunt May's safe. I think it's going to be okay now. Really. I think _I'm_ going to be okay now."

The sound of footsteps behind him made Peter pause and he turned to see Johnny walking towards him. His blond hair stuck up in every direction and he rubbed sleepily at his eyes before taking a seat beside Peter, slinging an arm around his shoulders.

"Hope I don't stink too bad," Johnny said.

"Nah, I'm used to the smell," Peter said, nudging his side.

"You're hilarious. So." Johnny nodded down at the urn. "Ready to do this?"

"Yeah actually. I was nervous before but...no, this is good," Peter said. "Thanks for coming along with me."

"Man, you're my best friend," Johnny said. "Of course I'm going to be here. You saying your goodbyes to him?"

"Not goodbyes," Peter said. He shrugged Johnny off and got to his feet. "Can't ever say goodbye to him. I loved him you know? But I'm moving on from the bad memories."

"Living in the moment then? I like it," Johnny said, getting to his feet.

"Yeah. Living in the moment. I gotta live for the both of us, don't I? Be twice as happy, experience twice as many things. Definitely not a bad way to live," Peter said with a shrug.

He didn't wait for Johnny to say anything else, instead hurling the urn out over the cliff. The ashes scattered through the air as the urn spun, and at the last moment, Peter shot out a web to reel it back in. He held the empty urn for a second longer and then passed it off to Johnny.

"Melt it back down, would you?" he asked, wiping at the tears that had decided to try and make themselves known.

"No problemo," Johnny said.

The clay melted away and dripped onto the ground in seconds between Johnny's fiery hands. For a moment longer, Peter stared out at the forest. Johnny slung an arm back around Peter's shoulders, not saying anything as a few more tears rolled down Peter's cheeks.

Eventually, they made their way back to the car. Clint hugged him tight, and Natasha did the same. Then Peter climbed into the front seat and turned the key in the ignition. For the first time in years, the sense of contentment that settled in his chest didn't scare him. He knew there wasn't anything to be afraid of anymore. It was going to be okay. It'd get rough sure, but it'd always get better, he knew that. Life could yank him around all it wanted, but he was going to enjoy every moment of it. Peter knew he didn't need the ashes to honor Matt's memory properly; all he had to do was live.


End file.
